I Would
by Apathetic Sympathy
Summary: Russia and Lithuania always had a strange relationship. With recent events it only gets stranger and how will the rest of the nations deal with both a suicidal Russia and injured Lithunia? RussLiet and viceversa. First Hetalia Fic!
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal day, the same as any other days within Russia's house hold. My back burned from the lash marks that were less than twelve hours old, as they always did after one of my punishments. As Ivan's favorite, I, of course, had many opportunities to be punished. Just a slip up or small mistake would often lead to punishment. Though there were of course times when Ivan was just in the mood to beat someone up, I also got the brunt of those beatings too.

I sighed as I cleaned thoughts going in every which way before pausing to look out the window. I watched as snow gradually fell from the clouds that covered every inch of the blue sky. Shaking my head I went back to work.

Snow... it reminded me of Ivan. As did many other things such as sunflowers or an angry kitten. I wish I could hate him. I wished it with my entire being. I wish I could, but even though he hurt me, my people, and my brothers I couldn't hate him. I didn't know what I felt towards him any longer. Before yes it had been hate, but I hadn't known him then. At first it had been hate, I hadn't yet seen the pain he had to bare.

I didn't know why he was the way he was back then. I hadn't seen past the mask of innocence, yet cruelness, he showed the world. I was ignorant and I didn't care at that time, I just wanted to hate him for everything. But after being with him so long, being so close to him as his favorite that hate died down. I still don't know whether it was by his hand, holding my chain and the whip, or my own. But never the less I couldn't hate him after piecing together his childhood. What he had been put through by the hands of General Winter and the very people would would become his so called children.

He was like an abused, terrified yet angry young lion. He was powerful and acted upon impulse, but still very much just a scared kitten underneath it all. How anyone could bring themselves to hate someone who had gone through so much was beyond me. I'm sure that for most people with a heart they would find it quite difficult without a large amount of guilt attaching itself to them. But for people like me it was impossible, not matter what pain that person, or animal, brought to them.

I sighed as I moved from the now clean room into the hallway and found myself wondering if Latvia was doing his work without being distracted by something. Quite often he would space out and not get everything done, or at least not done up to Russia's standards and I would be punished for it. Of course I didn't blame Latvia, he always cried after it happened and I knew he was sorry he hadn't meant to cause me pain.

I paused my line of thinking as I heard something from down the hallway as I walked towards the source I found that it was defiantly the sound of sobbing but it didn't sound like Latvia. He cried quite often and quite loudly. As I reached the source of the sound I found myself standing right in front of Ivan's room. I would normally been worried, for someone crying in Russia's room wouldn't be a good sign at all. But I knew for a fact this wasn't either of my brothers, it actually sounded quite like Russia.

The thought seemed absurd at the time though. Russia never had cried before, at least as far as I or any of the other nations knew. I couldn't even manage to bring up a picture in my mind of Russia crying.

But something was defiantly up so I cautiously pressed my ear against the wooden door. "... No one would care." I heard him say between sobs. My eyebrows raised in surprise at the dead tone of his voice. It was said in a way that I had never heard him speak before. It sounded tired, weary, depressed, and bitter when normally Ivan's voice would be full of fake innocence and childish charm.

I heard something click and wondered what he was doing. Suddenly an image filled my mind, one of a handgun being cocked. My jaw nearly dropped in disbelief, he couldn't being trying that. Not the powerful Russia that I knew. The one that kept me and my brothers in line with his whip, the one whom could cause someone to surrender with a mere cruel yet childish smile. Yet the words I heard fit along with the sobs, the handgun fit in perfectly with the two.

The thought that Russia, Ivan, would attempt suicide hurt. I don't know why, but the mere thought made my chest hurt. It made me wonder why he'd do such a thing. But I pushed such thoughts aside as I busted into the room. "Russia-san what are you-" I said despite my suspicions, I couldn't be sure after all but after seeing the gun in his hand pointed towards his brain from where he had it in his mouth all doubts vanished.

He looked like a wreak, his coat and scarf were off, folded on the bed reveling scars on his neck and the visible skin on his arms. His hair was a mess and his purple eyes were red and irritated. Despite the silent tears still running down his cheeks he took the gun from his mouth and smiled a cracked and broken smile at me. It hurt, just looking at that broken and sad looking smile made my chest hurt.

"Did you come to watch Toris? I'm sure you'll be happy at the end of the show." He said just smiling as he put the gun back into mouth. I felt sick to my stomach as he finished saying what he did. I didn't hate him, couldn't he see that I wasn't able to, no matter what he did? Even if my people wished for independence I would always be there for him whether we got it or not. Couldn't he see I cared for him?

"Russia-san.... Ivan please don't do this!" I yelled at him. I couldn't help the tears that fell as I moved towards him. He closed his eyes and before I reached him, it what seemed like slow motion, he pulled the trigger.

I stopped in front of him as nothing happened, tears running down both our faces in the silence of the room. He pulled the gun from his mouth and stared at it. Tears poured down his face as he looked at it dumbstruck before I heard him utter one word. "Why?"

His expression changed from dumbstruck to anger in almost an instant. In a childish fit of anger I watched him throw the gun angrily at the ground. The next thing I knew was a loud shot followed by an increasing amount of pain in my abdomen. I clutched at it attempting to put two and two together despite my pain clouded mind.

I heard a startled shout, presumably from Russia, but my vision was fading fast. I fell to my knees and onto what I presumed to be his chest. In my last coherent moments I reached up to his face with a now bloody hand. "Your wrong... I would care if you died." Everything went black after I managed to heave out the words, blood flowing through my lips as I did so.

* * *

**Author Notes:** Well hello everyone out there on fanfiction! Its nice to meet you all. This is actually my very first fanfic I've ever written and decided to publish anywhere. It was written during my Trig class for the most part after reading some suicidal Russia fanfics earlier, so I'd appreciate some constructive criticism, but please no flames! They don't really do anything but make me sad, while constructive criticism helps me improve, which I think would be better than making me sad. xD

Any way I hope that you like the story thus far. The main pairing will be RussiaXLithuania though that will be switched every once a while. I like the concept of seke couples better than just the typical semeXuke pairing. I'm still thinking about minor pairings and I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me what you'd like to see!

As for warnings beware I am planing to write a lemon for this fanfic much later. Along with maybe some Russia torturing poor Liet as well. There might be some language too. Oh and do be aware this is going to be a Yaoi if you haven't guessed already. XD

Well I believe thats all I have to say! Thank you for reading!

~Oh and no I do not own Hetalia. Otherwise I wouldn't be making this, and I would know much more about history than I do. xD


	2. Chapter 2

I stared in horror as the scene played in slow motion before me. I was angry, were the fates laughing at me? That stupid gun jamming up like it did, it just made me so angry. I saw red as I threw it, I hadn't expected it to just... to just go off. I didn't even think such a thing to be possible. But yet, nothing ever seemed to like to go my way, especially today.

I hadn't expected for Toris to come into the room. He always avoided my room like the plague unless absolutely necessary. The only time he was ever in my room was to bring me something or for punishment if it wasn't too bad.

I hadn't expected his protest of my death either. What I did expect was for him to be happy after I ended my existence. After all, the insane sadistic man who had constantly hurt him and his brothers would be dead. The person who he hated, who tor him from his beloved Poland, would finally be gone and by his own hand no less. The same hand that had held the whip which ripped open his flesh so many times.

When he protested against what I was doing, when he told me to stop. Even when he switched from the title he was supposed to call me out of respect to my name, I doubted him. But how could I be blamed for that? I mean, I hurt him and those he loved. I showed no remorse upon doing so either. How could I not doubt his concern?

I ignored what I thought to be fake concern coming from him. Surely it was only shown because he didn't know what would happen after I died. Who would take my land and custody of his nation along with his brothers. If he'd be as safe as he was with me or if his land would be torn apart.

I took that opportunity to pull the trigger and nothing happened. I felt more tears running down my face, this time tears of anger and remorse. Anger for the fact that I hadn't been able to wipe myself off the earth yet and remorse because I hadn't been able to make Toris happy by killing myself just yet. In a childish fit of rage I threw the gun onto the floor.

I don't even know how the hell it happened. It seemed impossible for such a thing to ever happen. But despite the impossible circumstances it happened. Everything slowed as the bullet shot from the gun as it hit the floor. The bullet shot right into Toris' stomach forcing blood to erupt as it hit. I felt blood on my own hands as it splattered from the wound. Blood that I normally found a warm and pleasant sensation on my flesh, now left me in cold horror.

"Toris!" I remember screaming as he started to fall to his knees, without thinking I stepped forward to catch him before he fell, falling to my own knees in the process. His hands weakly grasp at my shirt as tears sprung in my eyes anew as blood came from his mouth as he opened it.

His breath was short and raspy as he looked up at me. His eyes were unfocused and I don't doubt that he couldn't see me clearly. One of his hands, covered in blood, reached up to touch my cheek. I reached up to hold it with the hand that wasn't supporting him as I watched him struggle for breath, attempting to deal with the pain.

More blood poured from his lips as he began speaking. _"Your wrong... I would care if you died." _The words he spoke made my world far apart as his blood left him in waves from the stomach wound and from his mouth as he tried to breath.

My heart clenched in my chest the meaning of the words hit me fully. He didn't hate me, he really hadn't wanted me to die despite everything that I had done to him. Despite everything, he actually cared about what happened to me unlike anyone else in my life. _'Stupid Toris! This wouldn't have happed if...'_

I couldn't finish my line of thought as I heard footsteps frantically approaching from down the hall. In a few moments I heard two gasps at the door. The other two Baltic nations stood in the door way, silent and shocked.

Their states angered me a bit, couldn't they see their brother needed help or were they really that dumb. "Don't just stand there! Go! Call an ambulance!" I yelled at them before they realized they were just standing there and spurred into action.

I looked down at my dear Lithuania that laid within my arms. My favorite, covered in blood, was normally a sight I loved but how I despised the scene right now. What would I do if he died? My own death couldn't possibly make up for his. He was light, warm, and very kind like summer. I was dark, cold, and unpredictable like winter. His life was worth far more than my own.

Tears prickled at my eyes again as I thought more about his death as he bleed still in my arms. I swore to myself at that moment, no matter what I would never purposely hurt him again. Even if he broke off from me and got back with Poland I wouldn't harm him again. I would give him myself after he recovered. I would give him anything he wanted if only he would recover.

The negative thoughts of his death were quickly squashed within my mind. As the paramedics came into the room and pulled him from my arms I swore to myself that no matter what, I would do anything for him. After everything I had done I knew there was no way he could ever forgive me, even if he didn't hate me. I would do anything for him despite that he wouldn't ever love me the way I did him. I would do anything for him if only he'd hold on and live.

**Author Notes:** Alrighty! This chapter is done due to the lack of work I'm given in my Honors US History II class. Really, we don't really do anything in that class. I wouldn't doubt if the regular class did more work than us. XD

But anyways I hope you enjoy reading thus far! Thank you for the reviews, story alerts, and story favorites! They really get me going even though this story is written purely because I'm bored in school and I need something to entertain myself with.

Oh I just wanted to say that I will be switching around with the point of view. Sometimes I'll have it be in first person with Toris' POV and other times it'll be another character's POV. But I do want to have a few chapters done in third person too. But don't expect them to be that great, I'm more of a role player rather than a story/fanfic writer.

Another thing I want you readers to be aware of is my lack of knowledge of some of the things I'm writing about. Please ignore the minor details that couldn't happen in real life. Like the gun going off after being jammed and thrown onto the floor. I have no clue if this could actually happen or not. I've looked on the Internet and asked a few people, but no one really knows if it can happen or not so I made it happen.

Another thing: please excuse my lack of historical knowledge. Most likely anything in here in that respect will be looked up on wikapedia.

One more thing to excuse: my lack of medical knowledge. In the next chapter you'll find out what happened to Toris. But please excuse any minor errors that couldn't happen in real life and such. It is fanficiton after all and I am not studying to be a doctor. (Nor would I want to study to be one... _;; I can't even be around needle yet inject someone with them or anything.)

Just to let you all know, I write most of this fanfiction during school and then type it up at night while fixing it a bit while typing it up. So if you see any typos or errors any where outside the authors note then let me know and I'll fix it! Please keep in mind this is unbetaed and I only go over it once or twice and sometimes I can be really blind to errors. I know that I still have to edit a few things in the first chapter already because of that little problem. _ I'll do that relatively soonish. So sorry about that!

Thank you for reading! (Oh and no I don't own Hetalia or any of the series characters.)


	3. Chapter 3

Russia sat within the hospital room that belonged to Lithuania. His form was hunched over as he watched his favourite breath steadily within the cocoon of white sheets that where wrapped around his small and pale form.

The platinum blonde nation sighed as he looked at the white walls in contempt not even bothering to look at the two other Baltic nations within the room. He hated hospitals, they practically reeked of depression that made up the atmosphere. The atmosphere that forced him into spiralling more into depression than he had been before the whole incident that brought him to the horribly white and sterile building. It only brought him more despair and guilt being in such a place. But he refused to leave his Lithuania there alone.

He stared down at his hands as he recalled that if he did leave the other Baltic nations would still be with Toris, but still he had caused this mess he should at least be there when the other nation awoke.

He recalled the reactions of the other countries when they had all found out that Toris had been injured, or rather shot in the stomach. They of course didn't know the details and he refused to tell them. He would have found it amusing the way they pestered him and got angry about the whole thing, but he couldn't bring himself to due to the situation.

He couldn't just tell them that he, Russia who was slightly insane and wanted to take over the world, was attempting suicide. One of them would surely use such knowledge against himself or his country if he was able to disappear after Toris didn't need him any more. As much as he disliked his children at times, he couldn't bring himself to hate them. He was like any other parent in that aspect, he didn't want any harm to come to them in the end.

So of course without him giving them any kind of explanation they assumed the worse, that he had shot Toris on purpose for some sick game or something along those lines. Almost everyone thought that, whether they were his friend or not. The only ones who seemed to think he hadn't done such a thing, at least not on purpose, was China, and surprisingly enough the other two Baltic nations.

It had been a week since the incident and the other two Baltic nations actually seemed... less wary of him as of late. It was surprising, they hadn't so much as trembled in fear in front of him since the incident.

Toris hadn't woken since they had saved his liver the first night he had been admitted to the hospital. Since then Ivan had been at his bedside every moment he could. He had terrified the hospital staff into letting him stay after visiting hours and he only left the building to go home a sleep an hour or two and to shower and change.

The other two Baltic nations were literally the ones keeping him alive. If he had continued his current schedule of sleeping only a small bit and never eating he would have been literally dying by that time. They would often remind him to eat or bring him something to eat in the hospital. They too would find themselves staying after hours with Ivan in their brother's room, sometimes they would try to tell him to get some rest and they would wake him immediately if Toris woke up.

Despite the fact that almost all of the other nations in the world thought that what caused such a reaction within the large country was because of some kind of guilt. For some reason though, Estonia and Latvia knew it wasn't only guilt that lead him to care about what happened to their brother.

They had seen the large and powerful country's defences crumble as he cried over the nearly dead body of their brother. Though Russia didn't know it, they couldn't bring themselves to think he had purposely shot Toris, even if they knew the other country to be violent and a bit insane. Even when he seemed insane they knew he took care not to bring his favourite any where near death. At the time they weren't able to tell whether this was because he wanted to torment Lithuania by bringing him so much pain that he wanted to die and not allowing him or that he really didn't want to kill their brother. After seeing how he was constantly at Toris' bedside and giving little thought and care to his own well being they knew the latter to be true.

To tell the truth both Estonia and Latvia were becoming increasingly worried about Russia and his lack of thought for his own well being. They both discretely watched the platinum blonde nation from the opposite side of the room. Russia would do four things normally while they were in the room, barely notice they were there, bury his face in his hands, watch Toris, and glare at the white wall behind them.

Latvia winced every time he did the last action. It was actually horribly sad to see the purple eyes full of worry and red rimmed from the lack of sleep despite the glare he was giving the wall. Latvia wasn't at all fond of Russia, he was terrified of him actually. Despite that fact that Russia rarely hurt him and Eduard physically, they both knew how badly that Russia hurt Liet, whether it was actually Lithuania's fault for sometime or one of his brothers.

In fact a few times he and Estonia had been forced to watch him beat Lithuania. When they weren't watching him he purposely punished Toris in the room in the basement that wasn't soundproofed so they could hear him scream.

Before Toris had been hurt Latvia had been able to say that he hated Russia. He hated how he hurt Toris, how he kept them all captive for so long. How just after gaining independence Russia would just take them captive once more. But watching him now, worried and genuinely concerned for Lithuania, he felt some of the anger and hatred he felt for the other nation dissipate, at least a small bit.

It was strange to him, the fact that he hadn't seen Russia's cruel, yet childish, smile very often in the past week. The last time he had seen it in fact was the second night Toris had been in the hospital, when a doctor and a nurse had told him visiting hours where over and he needed to leave.

Though what was even stranger than the lack of that smile, was the lack of the threatening and creepy atmosphere that normally consumed the air around Russia. Though the strangest thing about the situation in Latvia's eyes was his want to comfort the larger man he had hated so much for so long.

He bit his lip as he looked back over to Russia once more bringing himself out of his musings. He noticed that the other blonde's face was buried in his hands again. He looked so vulnerable, like he was about to cry again, he had done so several times during the week already not caring that Latvia and Estonia were there to see him.

It was then that Latvia decided to so something. He couldn't just continue watching the man tear himself apart over what had happened, even if he didn't have a clear idea what had happened himself. He hesitantly got up from his seat and walked across the room to where Russia sat beside Toris' bed. He placed his hand gently on the other's shoulder.

"Don't worry Russia-san." He said softly. "Lithuania will be all right, Toris is stronger than you think."

Latvia allowed a smile to grace his features as darker purple eyes met light violet in surprise. Clearly Ivan was not expecting such calming words from Latvia. He looked back to Toris before speaking. "Thank you Raivas... I hope your right."

The other blonde sighed as he went to exit the stuffy sterile room. "I'm going to go and get something to eat, do either of you want me to get you something?" He asked turning back to glance to the two awake inhabitants of the room. Russia shook his head simply before looking back to Toris once more. "I'm going to come with you Raivis." Eduard said standing to join him before the two left Russia alone within the room.

Russia stared at the IV attached to Toris' arm, delivering the nutrition and water that Toris needed to live through the vein in his arm. It made him sick in his stomach, to know that he had caused such a thing to happen. He couldn't help but to think it would have been better for him to have died.

He reached over to the end of the bed and grabbed the clipboard that held the medical report on it and started reading it again. He had already memorized the contents, but he couldn't help but to continually read it over. One part of it said that they had saved Toris' liver, but they couldn't determine the extent of damage to his spinal column the bullet could have caused until he awoke.

Ivan could recall that the doctor had told him that Toris would most likely end up paralysed from, at the very least, the waist down. China had come to visit Lithuania in the hospital as well. Yao had looked over the brunette and told Ivan that he could, perhaps if he was lucky, only have teporary paralysis for a few months. Though Ivan was relatively sure that his ally had told him this in an attempt to pacify him, for it seemed Yao already knew what had happened, even though only he himself and Toris really knew what had happened.

At the very least Yao knew that Ivan wasn't exactly in his right mind when the accident occurred. That and Ivan didn't actually pull the trigger, he had after all seen how possessive Ivan was of Toris. Even in his most unstable and insane moments it was highly unlikely, in the other man's eyes, that Ivan would give Toris a nearly fatal wound.

Ivan sighed as he put the clipboard back at the end of the bed before gently placing his hand over Lithuania's own. He wouldn't ever be able to forgive himself if Toris ended up fully paralysed for the rest of his life. How would any one be able to live without the the wonderful and kind nation?

In fact Russia was slightly jealous, so many of the other nations were worried about his Lithuania, even though he wasn't one of the larger and important countries. He recalled how in the past week there had been so many people and nations who came to see his Toris. How many people and nations had questioned him either calmly or angrily on what had happened.

The first to visit had been America, Canada, England, and France. Then there had been some of the staff from Lithuania's house who were just a few of his human citizens. There had even been some people who lived near his house who apparently met Toris when he went out grocery shopping and became quick friends with him. The of course there were other countries that came to visit, some who asked him questions and others who just didn't talk to him at all.

Even then there were many gifts and flowers that came from people who couldn't make it to the hospital in Russia. All and all it made Russia jealous of all of the other countries. They all seemed to get along with Lithuania so great, but he always ruined everything by giving into rash actions and sadistic temptations.

He sighed as he rubbed his eyes before leaning over the bed and holding Toris' hand closer. He finally felt the long hours of no sleep get to him as he drifted off to sleep.

**Author Notes:** Hurray! Finally finished this chapter. I think that this is the longest chapter so far actually. Thank you for the wonderful reviews, story alerts, and story favourites! It really makes me happy that you like the story thus far! I do hope that my writing is improving, I think I'm better at writing essays and research papers so I always find my fanfiction lacking emotion unfortunately.

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter! And though there are no promises I hope to get the next one out by next Wednesday or Thursday. But if I don't please understand that its due to a horrible fifteen page English term paper rough draft that was sprung on me today due for Wednesday. That and maybe trig homework. _

Thank you ever so much for reading! (By the way I still don't own Hetalia. Though I am wondering... If I invade Hidekaz Himaruya's vital regions can I take over the ownership of Hetalia? ^_^;;)

~Hey look this is my shortest Author note too!


End file.
